As many of you know, I’m graduating this quarter, and all week I’ve been getting sentimental about my college career coming to an end.  Case in point: I actually teared up at the gym this morning when I realized that I was probably doing my last on campus workout ever.  So, as a tribute to all the good times I’ve had – getting over my chubby phase, rehabbing the chicken leg, Operation 10lbs. – I just wanted to give some quick goodbye shout outs to my favorite Rimac regulars who were there through it all.  (Ok if we’re being honest, I didn’t get that emotional, I’m just avoiding writing a paper, so please indulge me.  I know all you kids are procrastinating on “The Book” right now too, so this one’s for you, slackers.)         

To the elderly, bearded gentleman doing hamstring stretches in the lavender short shorts…

…I don’t know if you were grinning at me across the mat all those times because I reminded you of your granddaughter or because you were well aware that your wrinkled balls were popping entirely out of one of you pant legs and you wanted me to say something complimentary.  Perhaps you were hoping I’d offer to tea bag you?  Whatever your motives, we’ve stretched together many times now over the years and I just wanted to say thanks for reaffirming my sexuality again and again.  It’s been real. 

To the UCSD Men’s Water Polo team…

… I have never met a group of boys whose arrogance is less justified.  You may have become minor campus celebrities over the years due to the shortage of fuckable men at UCSD, but please remember your “hotness” is relative.  You got laid a lot in college because you played a Division II sport, you were taller than 5’4” and you avoided wearing t-shirts adorned with anime characters.  It won’t be as easy after you graduate.  And just because I’m not around anymore to make sarcastic comments when you start yelling across the gym about how many plates you just squatted, don’t go forgetting that you’re only hot shit because you attend the most socially inept university in California.  Also, two words I just want to throw out there – conditioner and underwear – take that however you want. 

To the UCSD Women’s Water Polo team…

…I have a crush on all of you.  Keep doing your cleans and snatches with a plastic pipe Ladies, I don’t judge you. 

To the UCSD Women’s Softball coach who also teaches the beginning weightlifting class…

…For years you have been staring at me with your angry power dyke eyes while I work out.  No matter where I lifted, even if I was in the most hidden of corners, I’d look up and catch you glaring at me from beneath feathered bangs.  I’m not sure if you were looking at me like that because you sensed an intense sexual tension between us or if you were still pissed about the time I failed to vacate The Pit when your six person class apparently needed the entire area to do lunges with no resistance.  If it’s the latter, let’s bury the hatchet, you already yelled at me once.  If you were staring at me because you wanted to do me, as much as I dig your assortment of tapered gold and blue swishy suits, it would never work out between us.  I find softball tedious unless it involves a keg at second base. 

To the redhead doing the three hour elliptical workouts at a pace so frantic that if hooked up to a generator could illuminate a small village…

…go ahead and take a day off.  Maybe get crazy and eat a sandwich.  I worry about you.

Really Smelly Guy, Sex Noise Guy and Pig Nose (I know some of you know who I’m taking about), I wish I had some time to devote to you, and there are so many others I’d like to mention, but this thing could seriously go on for pages.  Thanks for all the memories everybody, it’s been a great 5 years.    

Marea Blue, BA (that is, if I finish this fucking paper)