July 5, 2008 – Au Revoir
Dear Family and Friends,
The time has finally come for me to say goodbye to the sunny, liberal, health-conscious state I’ve been proud to call home for the last 24 years. I’m leaving today for Iowa, birthplace of Ashton Kutcher and home to the World’s Largest Strawberry (sculpted, not edible, thank you Chowder). I’m starting my trip with a grand tour of the finest Super 8 motels along I-80, stopping in Salt Lake City my first night, Cheyenne, WY my second night and Omaha, NE my third night before heading into Vinton on July 8. I’m especially looking forward to the hotel in Cheyenne whose website boasts of both “a workout facility nearby” and “smoke detectors”. I’m not sure if “a workout facility nearby” means there’s a gym within walking distance or if they’re just referring to the mechanical bull in the hotel bar, but I plan on getting some cardio in either way. Once I arrive in Vinton, I will be staying at the Iowa Braille and Sight Saving School for a few weeks during my training before being assigned to a team and starting my first project.
July 11, 2008 – Greetings From V-Town
Hi Everyone,
This just in: Vinton, Iowa has internet! Unfortunately, accessing it is a logistical nightmare. Our local coffee shop and the Vinton Public Library have wireless, but both establishments generally close at the late hour of 4:00 pm. There is also a computer lab on campus but its ten computers are shared by over one hundred people during the two hours a day that it’s open. Facebook is also periodically blocked in the lab and really, why else would one need to use the internet? I will have even less access when we actually leave campus for a project. Anyway, the moral of this story is that I will not be able to entertain you all with daily rants about the Midwest as I’d originally hoped. We will all have to settle for much lengthier, less frequent updates. This first one is really long so maybe you could just read one paragraph each day to make it last…
August 10, 2008 – An Update From The “Tall Corn State”
Dear Family and Friends,
After my last email, more people wrote me to inquire about the status of LJR (Little Jump Roper) than to ask me about my own experiences, so I thought I would start this letter with an update on everyone’s favorite corps member. As predicted in my last “revelations”, LJR did begin to grow on me as time progressed, but I’d be lying if I said our interactions didn’t sometimes bring out the old, less tolerant Marea. When we were discussing ways we could “prank” other teams and LJR suggested defecating in the tank of the toilets so “the shit [would] pour into the bowl when they flush”, I may have taken on too sarcastic a tone when reminding him that perhaps this particular joke would negatively affect all of us as we share common facilities. I might have also smacked his hand a little when he literally ripped a crossword puzzle from beneath my pen during a meeting, but I did let him fill in several incorrect answers before confiscating it which I think shows considerable growth on my part.
October 26, 2008 – Update From Iowa aka The Longest Email You’ve Ever Received
Dear Family and Friends,
For those of you who were panicking that you had unwittingly offended me and been dropped from my email list, fear not! My computer is back up and running after an unfortunate hard drive incident, and I am once again able to send novel-length emails detailing the horrors of the Midwest to everyone I know.
For the past few months, I have been living and working in Westfield, Iowa, a town near the border of South Dakota and Nebraska. In my first email update I foolishly poked fun at Vinton, the location of our central campus, for being folksy and rural; if my time in Westfield has taught me anything, it’s that in Iowa, places like Vinton, with newfangled luxuries like cell phone reception and grocery stores, are considered amenity-rich.
December, 13 2008 – An Update From Iowa Through Chattering Teeth
Dear Family and Friends,
Contrary to popular belief, I did not freeze to death during the early weeks of my first Midwestern winter, and I am still alive and well (if somewhat pastier and chillier) here in Iowa. As far as I can tell, the only reason I haven’t met my untimely fate at the hands of hypothermia is because I haven’t allowed myself to be outside for longer than it takes to dart from our van to the bar in several weeks. I once walked outside with wet hair and within seconds my curls had frozen to the consistency of uncooked Top Ramen; besides a sledding outing where I adorned myself in so many layers that I couldn’t touch my arms to my sides and had to waddle up the hill like an over inflated gym rat, I haven’t risked the well being of my vulnerable Californian flesh in these God awful conditions since.
March 8, 2009 – My Final Update?!
Dear Family and Friends,
I only have two months of AmeriCorps to go, so I encourage you to read this update slowly to help pull you through the final weeks of misery and meaninglessness that have surely characterized your life since my departure. Last week I returned to Iowa after a very gratifying seven week stint as a camp counselor for the Sherman Lake YMCA in Augusta, Michigan. But more about that in a second…
May 14, 2009 – Honestly This is the Last One
Dear America,
Let’s take a few moments to consider all the sacrifices I’ve made for you over the last ten months. For nearly a year, I subjected myself to abject poverty, scabies exposure, Sizzling Salsa workout videos and subzero temperatures. I wore khaki cargo pants for you America! I went for weeks at a time without cable! I spent more hours wandering the aisles of Wal-Mart than I spent with all the members of my family combined, and I did it for you! These extra ten pounds are for you, U-S-A! Don’t bother thanking me, I did it out of the goodness of my heart.
Occupation: Cubicle Monkey 