I’m going to be famous. I’m quite certain of it now. No, I haven’t quite mastered acting, my singing voice leaves much to be desired (though my rendition of Tupac’s “Changes” has recently created a minor stir), and while I’ve never actually witnessed it myself, I hear that I’m somewhat of an awkward dancer (so Making the Band IV is definitely out of the question). I’m not even a useless partying slut with a rich dad like Paris Hilton. As a matter of fact, I’m not exactly sure what skill, invention or pornographic video I’m going to unleash upon society to make me famous, but I do know that it’s going to happen and here’s why…I have an atrocious job history. Brace yourself for my success theory kids…(drum roll)…The worse the job before stardom, the larger the star. Hear me out. Brad Pitt worked at El Pollo Loco dressed in a chicken suit before he made Fight Club and got to do Gwyneth, Rachel from Friends and now (drum roll and trumpets please), Angelina Jolie. And those are just a few of my favorite highlights from his impressive career.
more beef
I had the great privilege of attending a Shakira concert last night and I have some comments for some of the concert attendees about their fashion choices. Quick disclaimer: for those of you who may have seen me rocking khaki pants, black converse and an oversized yellow polo with the words “STAFF-PRO” printed boldly on the back, and may be thinking “who the fuck are you to criticize? You looked like 90’s punk meets blue collar dyke,” I must remind you that I was participating in a rugby fundraiser and had no choice in the matter.
man i’m judgmental
My roommate Jenny and I like to have stances on things. For example, we recently decided that the premise of the movie “The Lake House” in which Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves fall in love even though they are *gasp* living two years apart, is fucking stupid. That is, as we like to say, our stance. We dont always agree of course. For example, her stance on Myspace is that, like “The Lake House”, it’s fucking stupid, and here I am rather enthusiastically writing my very first MySpace blog. However, I’ve decided that we dont have to agree on everything, just the most important things. Like today we took the stance that the new American Idol is a huge douche bag. Neither of us really watched the Idol this season, but one viewing of this tool’s new Ford commercial made it abundantly clear that America got it wrong this time. Is America’s new pop icon really an old gray haired man in a blazer, dancing too aggressively around a Focus? Buy a Ford? Thanks dad, will do. Now wait one moment while I throw my panties on stage. Douche bag. No one will ever top Kelly. Thats our stance.
Occupation: Cubicle Monkey 