http://fortunefavorsthebrave.wordpress.com/2011/02/21/professional-blogger-mareas-guest-post
I’m mere steps away from being a famous travel writer.
Tag: My Inevitable Fame
Famous Writer Dies Tragically When Private Jet Crashes Near Fabulous Vacation Home; World Mourns
Marea Blue, famous writer, began her ascent to literary greatness with a series of fictional works of which she was also the illustrator. The daughter of a high school teacher, she had an unlimited supply of dittos available to her as a medium and would labor for hours on drawings with Spanish homework printed in faded purple on their opposite side. Her trademark images were of torso-less humans with long legs that seemed to grow directly from the underside of their heads. Most biographers consider this a subtle statement on the importance of the brain (logic) over heart (emotion), but less reputable writers from gay-interest magazines have also attributed this to Blue’s self-proclaimed status as a “leg man”.
My Latest Existential Crisis
Today I met with Jake, an “Associate Planner” from a wealth management company who gave a presentation on smart financial planning at Active a few weeks ago. Since the words “planning” and “smart” more often pertain to my successful procurement of a sober driver for the evening than my finances, I forgave Jake the motivational quotes and marathon metaphors in his Power Point and took him up on his free employee consultation.
Longer. Less funny. More bitter. Part II.
Jenny’s US Weekly recently told me that my future wife Idina Menzel and her husband Taye Diggs are still going strong. I’m expecting her coming out announcement to rock Broadway any day now, but I am reluctant to report that I am not yet writing this as one of the paparazzi hounded halves of Mardina or Bluezel. Shockingly, I’m not dating any A-list celebrities at the moment, and frankly I’m becoming a bit anxious. It’s been nearly two years since the blog in which a younger, more brazen Marea claimed that her shitty job history would inevitably result in fame, fortune and a celebrity couple name fusion indicating an ultimate level of unearned Hollywood success.
Longer. Less funny. More bitter. Enjoy!
I’m going to be famous. I’m quite certain of it now. No, I haven’t quite mastered acting, my singing voice leaves much to be desired (though my rendition of Tupac’s “Changes” has recently created a minor stir), and while I’ve never actually witnessed it myself, I hear that I’m somewhat of an awkward dancer (so Making the Band IV is definitely out of the question). I’m not even a useless partying slut with a rich dad like Paris Hilton. As a matter of fact, I’m not exactly sure what skill, invention or pornographic video I’m going to unleash upon society to make me famous, but I do know that it’s going to happen and here’s why…I have an atrocious job history. Brace yourself for my success theory kids…(drum roll)…The worse the job before stardom, the larger the star. Hear me out. Brad Pitt worked at El Pollo Loco dressed in a chicken suit before he made Fight Club and got to do Gwyneth, Rachel from Friends and now (drum roll and trumpets please), Angelina Jolie. And those are just a few of my favorite highlights from his impressive career.
Occupation: Cubicle Monkey 
