Marea Blue, famous writer, began her ascent to literary greatness with a series of fictional works of which she was also the illustrator.  The daughter of a high school teacher, she had an unlimited supply of dittos available to her as a medium and would labor for hours on drawings with Spanish homework printed in faded purple on their opposite side.  Her trademark images were of torso-less humans with long legs that seemed to grow directly from the underside of their heads.  Most biographers consider this a subtle statement on the importance of the brain (logic) over heart (emotion), but less reputable writers from gay-interest magazines have also attributed this to Blue’s self-proclaimed status as a “leg man”. 

During this era, the Blue household was undergoing a long, drawn-out  remodeling.  Marea was five, and since her world had been under construction for roughly one third of her life, many of her pieces included smiling workers  on ladders, hammering inanely at the side of buildings with no apparent goal in mind.  Friends see the depiction of this theme as an early indication of Blue’s total ineptitude when it came to being “handy”; critics have praised it as a tribute to the great visionary’s imagination, as it is well known that the contractor hired for the remodeling job did very little hammering; in fact, he didn’t do much of anything but drink beers in his truck while the Blues lived crammed like a Depression-era family in her Grandparents’ home for several months. 

As the second part of her creative process, Blue would assemble her many drawings of construction workers – tool belts cinched tightly around their thighs as they had no waists – and narrate the accompanying story to her mother, who would patiently write Blue’s words beneath the pictures verbatim.  This partnership created such masterpieces as “The Cowboy’s Lucky Day” which managed to begin as a story about a dog catcher, segue into the life of an unrelated character named Max and end with a Western-style shootout.  Also notable was 1989’s “Space Patrol” which actually included a villain named Captain Platypus from the Planet Pluto (it is unclear if such alliteration was an early sign of Blue’s poetic brilliance, or a natural byproduct of her attempt to avoid the letter “r”, which she still could not pronounce). 

The irony of a technology book being written by a child from a family that still had a rotary phone was not lost on the tongue in cheek Blue.

Blue also dabbled briefly in non-fiction at this time with her work, “The Transmission Book”, a sort of how-to manual that mysteriously failed to ever reference a transmission.  It did provide some other insights, such as how a vacuum cleaner leaves a mark on a carpet after it’s run, an arbitrary observation that doesn’t demonstrate a grasp of technology so much as the aesthetic appeal of cleanliness, a distinction often noted in discussions about the author’s early flirtation with heterosexuality. 

Blue’s real breakout work came in 1997, when she wrote a sequel to Walter Dean Meyers’s seventh grade required reading book, “The Scorpions”.  The sequel was widely distributed, mostly by Marea’s mother to her reluctant extended family and to the higher ups at the Young Authors’ Fair.  Readers were universally floored by the writer’s first chapter book and its twelve year old, middle-class insights on edgy subjects such as gang violence, weaponry, and marijuana, which interestingly enough, Blue decided to depict the main character as “addicted” to, though she knew little about the drug outside of what she had learned in D.A.R.E. 

Following the unprecedented sensation of “The Scorpions II”, Marea entered high school English and abandoned the style that had brought her so much success in her youth.  Instead, she began to focus her energy on five paragraph essays that analyzed the work her peers: Toni Morrison, John Steinbeck, Homer and the like.  Many critics consider this Blue’s “sellout” phase, though others argue that her frequent, yet regrettable pairing of socks and Birkenstocks during this era would suggest otherwise. 

Blue’s career would see a continued emphasis on analytical work during her early college years, but it was clear from her output during this time that she was trying considerably less hard, perhaps due to her growing interest in alcohol and social interaction outside of literary circles.  Still, university life proved to be a most valuable muse, and college was a prolific time for Blue, who found inspiration in the absurdities of gym patrons, employers and other individuals deserving of some good natured judging.  It was during this period that Blue discovered a writing platform that allowed her to express her self-absorption and neurosis by shrouding it in shallow, yet humorous social commentary: blogging!  She never returned to fiction, or non-fiction that was not directly related to herself, ever again. 

In her post-college job, the famously versatile Blue demonstrated her aptitude for yet another writing style, corporate email correspondence.  Critics have called her step-by-step tech support instructions revolutionary.  Coworker and close friend Emily Ogata remarked, “She gave subjects like clearing cookies and downloading an alternate browser a never-before-seen depth”.  Blogging remained Blue’s primary interest however, and she demonstrated her passion by posting new work as frequently as every two months, as long as writing didn’t conflict with any important television programs or social events. 

Marea Blue achieved her most tremendous level of success when, at the suggestion of agent Kirstin Hartos, she took her work off of Facebook and began a “real” blog.  In other words, Marea no longer had to post her brilliant pieces – such as strange autobiographical obituaries written in the third person – on a Facebook application that normal people used to request their friends’ digits following a cell phone toilet tragedy. 

Marea’s “real” blog was so successful that she was able to purchase her first boat, a field for her financially struggling rugby team and a frozen yogurt franchise that operated directly next door to her beachfront mansion, all before the age of thirty.  Blue is survived by her stunningly beautiful wife, her highly talented, well-behaved children, her mother, brother and enormous posse, all of whom will live handsomely off the royalties from her lucrative career until they join her in heaven where they shall all bask together in eternal happiness. 

… 

Guys, this could come true!  Welcome to my experimental, “real” blog.  I have re-posted all of my previous notes and AmeriCorps letters so they are accessible to non-Facebook users and because, well, I’m not terribly prolific and this blog needs some content.  Feel free to revisit some of the oldies and comment at will so I look popular and overwhelmed with fans. 

Further demonstrating genius by already having the same handwriting as a child that she would have as an adult.