Shitty pop songs are like simple carbs. You know they’re not good for you, but when you get in the habit of consuming them on a regular basis, it’s kinda hard to stop. They’re a mindless burst of pleasure, a shot of energy to your bloodstream that often doesn’t even last the duration of the jam. Sometimes you’ve had so much that you’re no longer even enjoying them as they enter your system, but you still can’t stop shoving them in an uncontrollable manner into your mouth and ears.
Jason Derulo, really? Are they STILL playing this terrible song?, you wonder, as your hand, guided by some force outside of your conscious control, reaches toward the volume like it’s the bowl of chips on the coffee table.
Katy Perry, you are the frozen yogurt of the musical world. It’s becoming very difficult to keep pretending I dislike “California Gurls”, despite the clear problems with every aspect of the song, starting with the spelling of “Girls”. Eminem? M & Ms indeed – an entire bag, as it appears you have at least twelve very similar songs in rotation at the moment. And sorry Slim, to classify you as pop, but at the risk (or hope!?) of being featured in one of your future abuse glorification jams, when you’re being Mr. Cameo in B.o.B. and Rihanna songs, well, the shoe fits. Still, I’m listening aren’t I?
Some radio music is so bad that it’s like fair food; you can’t really stomach more than a bite. Keisha is like that chicken bacon sandwich on the Krispie Cream donut. Don’t be foolded by the delicious components; eventually it’s just going to make you vomit.
Good quality music – and I’ll leave the exact definition of “quality” up to each reader, but let’s agree that it is not a term widely understood by your typical FM dj – is more like your leafy greens. When you’re not used to it, the pleasurable effect isn’t as instantaneous. There isn’t always a comfy two verse, hook, bridge, structure or a drum machine, no Little John screaming, “Yaayaa” every few seconds. The lyrics aren’t so catchy that they are immediately and forever buried in the same brain compartment as entire episodes of Full House dialogue and cartoon theme songs long after you’ve forgotten things of lesser importance, like math or history.
You might have to restrict your sweets little by little, start with a salad with dinner and gradually make the veggies a steady part of your diet before you feel the change in your body. After a while you’ll realize you’ve never felt so good.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying pop music is all bad – like simple carbs, it will always play a frequent, critical role in my life – but everything in moderation. And some things, like fried butter and “Teach You How to Dougie”, you should probably just stay away from completely.
Basically, can someone make me a CD before I accidentally hurt the singer of the song “Billionaire”?
Occupation: Cubicle Monkey 
So happy. Another post on my favorite blog. I’m so lucky that I don’t have to listen to the radio to hear new music. I just get wonderful CDs given to me by my music advisor who only picks the best songs. Thanks for doing the hard editing work, Sweetie.
I haven’t even read this yet, but I’m already glad that you ignored me and Jenny ALL DAY in order to post this before we leave… Of course, this would’ve been funnier if you’d said it yourself!
Love it! But what is a “dougie”?
It’s only halfway a reprieve, but try things from the Bones Soundtrack. Yeah, I know, I’m nerding out with admitting to watching Bones, but some of those songs are DAMNED good. Happy eating and happy listening!
Dear Marea,
I hope that the only reason you still employed full-time at a job that is not this is because the job provides you with fodder for your blog. Yes I know there are a plethora of double negatives in the sentence above but I had to improvise on account of not know how you make your money daily or at least the money you make that’s taxed. Being a woman of many talents I’m sure you’ve found a way to make money to supplement your high maintenance lifestyle. Anywho keep writing if for nothing else that to educate the masses. And PS I totally agree that the dougie is a waste of air time. That of course does not stop me from watching YouTube videos of idiots doing the dougie. I still have no idea of course what that means. On the upside I guess that means I’m an individual who’s life is worth living.
I’ll make you a CD. Gaga, Ke$ha and Katy Perry only, though.
I’m not sure Eminem can actually ever be classified as pop when he’s still making dark songs with twisted lyrics. But the last CD is definitely a more poppier sounding one than his previous ones. Good CD though. 🙂
I can actually make you CDs though if you so desire.
Yes please on the CD. Though I actually already stole a ton of your music from that hard drive you lent my brother. 🙂
CANDY: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1E8C4fsmQs if you can watch this without smiling then you probably don’t have a soul
I do have a soul! But I’m unclear about whether I was smiling for the right reasons…
dude. check out cocorosie. song called lemonade. or all of their songs actually